How I Beat Depression’s Ass (By Moving On)
Have you ever felt drowned by your own emotions, that it felt miles beyond frustration, with no means of escape - like you were a continuously smashed burger patty - where life was squeezing you down, taking away from you all means of action, while the inner chatter and expectations were aggressively pushing you upwards, disabling anything other than the ability to take a shallow breath and somehow make it to the next day? I’ve been there quite a lot of times throughout my life, and if you’ve ever found yourself in a similar place, too - hey there, let’s talk.
Life can feel like a constant conspiracy
Depression was never a thing I took lightly – the opposite, I baby-handled it for most of my life. There’s been not one, but many periods, where I sulked in my own sadness juices, was angry, frustrated and entitled over what I thought belonged to me in life - all of which I thought, I was being denied by some evil outside force. It all felt so unfair, dark and agonizing, that even just trying to recall those feelings makes me tear up, still. It felt as a conspiracy against me! The one important difference between then and now is that today, I know that we are not our thoughts and feelings. I am not the depression that’s been such a prominent figure in my previous way of life. I am what I act on. We are all just sparks of probability, giving attention to whatever we choose.
It took me multiple failed attempts to reach a simple truth …
When we saddle up and ride out every emotion, that our mind throws at us, we inavoidingly think of ourselves as an emotional person. When we follow our trail of thoughts and react to the destinations we arrive at, we think of ourselves as a thinker. With most people, we get angry easily, we get sad, we get depressed, because we’ve been training our entire life to internalize the suggested thoughts and emotions, that our mind throws at us. But »seeing sadness« as it appears inside our hearts, is not the same as »feeling sad«, and is not even close to »being sad«. For me, it was meditation, that finally helped me see the difference. But there’s no need for you to start meditating just yet... (unless you feel inspired to try)
So here’s the gist of it: earlier in my life, whenever I was in a deepened state of depression, it always felt as if it was something that I needed to solve, to get over, or that I needed to fix. It took me a long time and multiple failed attempts to reach a simple truth – there is nothing to solve, to get over, or to fix... EVER! There is only courage and the ability to MOVE ON by letting go. It’s then just a matter of not breaking the chain of positivity by adding to it each day. And after a while, it does get easy. It’s a much more fulfilling life to continue trying and exploring, that being stuck and adding nothing to your tomorrows. Thoughts and emotions will always happen, but you can also decide for yourself, if you’ll continue feeding them with your attention, or rather “starve them out of existence”. If that doesn’t seem to help, I’m still here for you to talk to and listen. Just give me a holler.