Personal Projects or: how Covid made me realize that I'm taking stuff way to seriously
Ever since the first quarantine hit us March last year, I’ve become more and more of a professional procrastinator when it comes to personal projects. I consider them to be the stem of my internal power and I base a lot of my self-confidence on those. And looking back at this entire period, I can see a lot of unfinished projects taking up space on my disks. With a bit of a bitter taste to accompany them.
“I’ve stuck with that bad mental perception of myself for a long, long time.”
It felt really frustrating watching »everyone« doing their own thing and making shorts and content, while I »only« managed to output creativity with client work. What was I missing? Maybe I’m simply not good enough. And I’ve stuck with that bad mental perception of myself for a long, long time.
I don’t know how ya’ll are dealing with the Pandemic on your personal levels, but I consider myself extremely happy to have stumbled upon meditation during this time. I’ve now been meditating for 378 days straight and even now, at the very beginning of my meditation journey, it really has taught me how much discipline, focus and perseverance I’ve been missing (and really needing) all my life (both personal and professional).
With practice and breaking bad habits, I do feel, determination and strong will follow. Not the other way around. Seeing and knowing that it really is possible to sustain a mental shift until it sinks in, gives a feeling of safety and hope.
With practice and
breaking bad habits, determination and strong will follow.
Not the other way around.
That said, have I finally finished a personal project? Not at all. But I am very much more okay with it. Have I been working on one? Sure, but by using baby steps and enjoyment, rather than internal pressure. And has the bitterness of having so many unfinished projects subsided? More then so, by first taking off their »unfinished« label. They’re just projects. And maybe we’ll happen to reconnect one day again and grow more together then. If not, that’s quite alright, too.
So, some advice to my past self: Don’t worry so much. Work to replace your bad mental habits with good ones. And most importantly: don’t take your life so seriously.