How to create a personal value system (& that third monitor was probably overkill)
Do you know how you want to feel every day? It may sound silly to ask yourself that, but in my experience, most of us don’t consciously know how to answer beyond the generic: »I just want to feel happy«. I remember when I was starting out as a freelancer and bought myself a third computer monitor so that there would always be a movie or a series running on it while I was working. My honest intention was to find a happier mental space by feeling there was a lot going on around me - only to try and change the fact that there wasn’t (I worked from my home office). Needless to say that it backfired as it led into a years long pursuit of happiness by being half-distracted all the time. Although no one can (nor should try to) sustain feeling happy all the time, as it’s a never ending (and ironically, unsatisfying) mute effort, there’s lots of better ways to be generally happier in our lives without actually trying to change anything other than ourselves, or rather our approach.
Creating your value system brings your life closer to what
you wish it to be*
*it’s an ongoing process of repeating, reviewing and improving.
It seems really tough to realize that the world is built in a way that’s actively trying to keep us down, preventing us from feeling better, from being better. It even feels tough, even though it’s a lie. The world, except for a handful of your close ones, doesn’t care how you feel. Heck, the vast majority of it doesn’t even know you exist. So why give the external world any power in judging how fulfilled your life is? You can start taking that power back by asking yourself three simple questions: What’s the best self-image that you’ve ever had? Can you remember how that felt, which emotions were present? What’s stopping you from feeling like that every day? HINT: the answer to the last one is – nothing!
It isn’t until we sit down with a notebook and a pen, and start writing down actual feelings and mind states we treasure, that we find out what we actually value and hold in high enough esteem to put down on »the list«. When I did mine and there wasn’t anything else for me to write down, I glanced over everything and honestly, to my surprise, it wasn’t even that of an extensive list. It isn’t for most people. Seeing those few words like »focus«, »learning something new«, »smiling« etc. written down on paper made it seem simpler, as if it’s now actually more manageable and achievable to reverse engineer them into being. When you uncover yours, those are the values you should be pursuing, as they are suited to you personally, and are not as undefined and unattainable as »happy«.
»Actively do something every day that’ll make you smile as a result. Repeat it.«
If we take the time and effort to set up our own value system, instead of passively leaving it to chance, we build up the foundation for our life to actually be closer to what we wish it to be. If, for instance you find that one of your biggest values in life is to smile, you should ensure that at least something small will happen every day that’ll make you smile. It really is that simple. It can be something as little as taking a long relaxing bath, going for a run, buying someone a sandwich, or having a perfect cup of coffee in the morning – if you want to smile, actively do something every day that’ll make you smile as a result. Repeat it. And you know, like with most things, it’s like muscle memory: if you keep on training it, you’ll make it stronger and better. Don’t start too big, though – you wouldn’t start weightlifting by using the heaviest weights, right? As it happened with my third monitor, I made my brain used to being half-distracted by repeating the same patterns, or rather, by training it ever day, over and over. I was unfortunately training it towards a bad result. But imagine what happens when you train your brain daily to feel how you actually want to feel? <here’s where that list will come in handy!> It’s an ongoing process of repeating, reviewing and improving, but once you’ve gained some muscle, even the process makes you generally and progressively happier. Even without that third monitor (which I’m still not missing at all).