Politeness VS. Kindness
I was raised in a household, where politeness was thought of in a very high regard. As a kid, looking back at it now, I studied how a certain behaviour resulted in wanted results. Old ladies especially, always liked me because of that, haha. I naturally carried that politeness “trait” into my life as an adult. But lo and behold, I started noticing, how not all people think that being polite is as important as I did. This realization started to bother me, and over-time, I started to begrudge people, that, for instance, didn’t say thank you, when I held the door open for them, or didn’t wish me a “good day” back, when I gave them that curtesy. I thought to myself, what’s wrong with these people? To answer my past self: there is absolutely nothing wrong with them. There was something wrong with me.
IF POLITENESS IS AN AN ACTION …
The problem were the reasons why I was being polite. I know now, that my intentions weren’t pure. I expected people to recognize that I was being kind to them. But that was a selfish thing of me to expect, as I wasn’t being honest in my kindness at all. I was just being polite and simply put, without the honesty to back it up, I was being fake. In most cases, the politeness we are taught as a social norm, is fake. Instead, we should be teaching kindness. If I was doing something out of kindness, instead of being polite, I wouldn’t have needed any recognition for my deeds. And kindness doesn’t need any fuel. It needs only acceptance and it gives the award of an honest smile. It’s kindness that can inspire people towards a positive change. So with that said, the main difference between politeness and kindness is the intention. We’re usually polite because it’s VIEWED as a kindness. But it’s really an act, as it can have completely different motivations backing it up. On the other hand, we’re usually kind, because it’s HOW WE FEEL. And if we feel that way, we would very much like to share that feeling. So we do - we are being kind.
… KINDNESS IS A STATE.
In all honesty, I believe that by harnessing kindness, each person can help change the world. I know it sounds naive, but let’s test it out: I invite you for a 5 day experiment: Day One - give someone a nice compliment, observe their reaction; Day Two - give someone a small gift (it can also be something you’ve made); Day Three - talk to a stranger, it can be someone at the store, or on the bus - say something nice to them; Day Four - give yourself a small gift; Day Five - do something nice for someone, without telling them. When you’re done with this experiment, I then dare you to tell me, that you don’t feel more unconditional kindness inside, without any need for recognition. It has definitely worked for me, and the 5-day experiment can be never ending. The best thing about kindness is, that it’s contagious - people tend to pay it forward. So, with one person at a time, kindness is a tool that can change this world.